


A violent yet flammable world

by Aftenlandet



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: 1900s, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Another Time Another Place, Daydreaming, Evak - Freeform, I will find a happy ending for them, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jealousy, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Philosophy, Poetry, Religious Content, Romance, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-02-22 17:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13171299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aftenlandet/pseuds/Aftenlandet
Summary: It's early summer 1902 in a deep fjord town in northern Norway. Isak and his family are simple but respected people, living of the generous fishing in the fjord. The town is on the surface a place of strong religious concepts, but in reality most are more driven by gossip and intrigue, especially the academic circles including the town priest and his daughter Eva. One day a stranger, Even Næsheim, gets of the ferry; and within a short time he disturbs the general order of things in the town. He turns out to be of a philosofical and poetic nature and quickly finds a strong interest in Isak as well as in a carefully sealed suicide that took place the year before. Isak is imediately drawn to the newcomer and gets involved in his agenda. But suddenly everybodys intentions are impossible to read.





	1. Seen from the outside

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody, I'm glad if you want give my story a chance! This is inspired by those great fics on Ao3 that places our boys in a completely different setting, but still brings out that special chemistry between them and manage to make them just as recognizable. I really hope that they are that in this story as well! The title is simply the tune I listened to as this story took form, it's easy to find on spotify. I saw others include this in their work, and I like it when they do. Btw, I must say that this includes storylines from books I have read, so if someone recognizes their favorite literature they are not mistaken! The story takes place in a lively coastal town in northern Norway in the summer of 1902.

Life in the deep fjord town was the same for most people there. Fishing was their livelihood, gossip their entertainment and the love of Christ was their purpose in life – some more than others that was.  Isak went to school most of the year but as he grew older more and more of his time was spent on his father’s fishing boat, a boat he owned together with a few other families in the town. Life was simple and only the water and the Lord above could decide when they had more wealth. Every Sunday they went to church. He knew everybody there and due to his father’s observant mind he also knew who didn’t show.

“Mari hasn’t been to church many Sundays since she married Laust and moved here. Maybe I should go and visit them one of these days” his father said with a small knowing smile and a glow in his eyes while he sat down his coffee cup on a platter. They always had coffee and cake in the kitchen after church.

 Isak knew his father was good at this; talking to people about life and his own love for Jesus. Make them long for forgiveness and peace, as he said. Isak was proud of his father’s abilities. Where the town priest failed his dad could take over. He never studied theology but he grew up among people that practiced their faith at their homes because there wasn’t a church at their desolate living quarters. This was different now; the town they lived in was lively and had a school, a doctor and a church with an educated priest. His father wanted a better life for his family than he had himself.

 The priest loved talking to the doctor about science. They had highfalutin and respectful discussions where they admired each other much. The priest admired the doctor’s knowledge and the doctor admired the priest’s ability to agree with him. They were part of the high society in the town.

 

Isak was not in a good mood, he felt bored and drained of initiative. A barrel of fish tipped over on deck today and he had most of it soaking his boots, so now they stank and he knew they would be hard to clean. Now he just sat on the dock with his legs dangling over the edge moping a bit looking over the fjord. The water was still and the sun baked on the high mountain sides framing the waters. So much reflection in the water of birds and green streaks of trees from the mountainsides shimmered along with the sunshine in the reflecting surface of the fjord. His mind wandered and he speculated how a view could affect someone inside. How the fact that his gaze always stopped quite close to him because it hit a mountain, never being able to stretch far away over flat land. He tightened his grip on the edge of the worn wooden surface. His hands and arms were strong from the work at the boat and his curled hair bleached from the sun so it was almost white at the tips.

 A small ferry came in further down the dock. It did that twice a day, and Isak knew that old people in the village would sit at their windows looking for the ferry those two times a day to see who left the village and more important, who came. Today Isak noticed a man he had never seen before, hopping off the ferry. He was very tall and wore a bright yellow scarf and a slim, petrol colored jacket. Isak immediately thought that was a very noticeable way to look, at least in this town. People would be turning their heads at the sight, he knew that. He also noticed that the man didn’t bring any luggage, only a small book in his pocket, perhaps a notebook? And apparently he was also carrying a cigarette that he lit as soon as he set foot on the dock. Then he walked with very long and determined steps directly towards the town main street. Isak got up as he felt more energized by this sudden change in his mood that the sight of this stranger had induced in him. _He didn’t bring any luggage? Then he must be taking the ferry home later when it returns_. Isak walked back home in his soaked boots and kicked them off before he stepped in the house with the wet socks still on his feet. He couldn’t be bothered to argue with his mother about this. He just needed to wash and change so he could get out seeing this remarkable stranger off again with the afternoon ferry. 

As he a bit later walked through the town there was a lively disposition. Eva Kviig and two other girls were looking at the cakes in the bakers window clearly on pretends accommodated by a lot of whispering and giggling. They said hi as Isak came by, he was not in a hurry but he just said hi and walked along. They had known each other since they were kids. Isak was a few years younger than these girls, and always trying to keep a bit up with what they were doing. But this embarrassing giggling I front of the bakers window was not something he would have any part in. Besides, he had other plans. He needed to get to the dock to spy on a stranger. 

He settled more comfortable this time, on a bench facing the water on the backside of a black shed. The late spring sun was in his face and on his already tanned knees; and he was wearing better shoes now, well dry at least. And he had a perfect view for seeing the ferry when it should arrive. Yet, he would expect his target of interest to be there first, yes. He did need to get on that ferry after he had sorted whatever business he had in the village. Isak imagined that he came here to do something where he took notes in the little book, and then returning to Kristiania to plan his next visit. Maybe he was buying fish?

 But here comes the ferry yet the whole harbor was basically empty. Isak was troubled by how quiet it actually was, where was everybody? The ferry came to the dock, a few people got off and then a carriage with some cargo unloaded along with some loud directing from the skipper:  This goes to Pensjonat Vestergata 44!” He got up and walked casually towards the trolley. He could see the dock keeper mumbling some angry words and counting the money he got from the skipper. And then he hitched up in the carriage and set for the town main street as well. It was a large braided casket and a small bag. Isak knew that this was just as out of the ordinary as the stranger he saw earlier today. Pensjonat Vestergate 44 he thought, OK.

Isak went home and saw his boots floating in a barrel of steaming soap water on the green lawn in the backyard. He felt a warm sting in his chest knowing that he had a tidy mother who still cared for him like a child. Even though his increased time with his father at sea and reduced time in school was an indication of responsibilities and adult life, Isak still felt a sporadic need to rely on his parents like a child does effortlessly and initially without knowing any different way of living. His mother also still brought him along sometimes when visiting friends in the town. He’d tag along as when he was a kid visiting the priest’s wife Mrs. Kviig at the town clergy house. Isak would mostly be bored and sometimes he would be included in the things the older girls in the house where up to. As they got older he also came along in his own efforts as a friend of the family as well, talking to the priest and perhaps helping him out with heavy work in the garden. His parents were simple people who lived of fishing but the friendship between these two women somehow included them in the higher social layers. Isaks mother was a woman with decency and sense and Mrs. Kviig loved having her at the table when entertaining the other women from the town in her distinguished living room. She never said much but when she did it was honest and clever.

 

It was Saturday noon and the boots were still not dry. All night next to the stove and still they felt wet inside. Isak put on his other shoes and decided to go and see if his father’s package had arrived at the mail office. It was conveniently just next to the baker and Pensjonat Vestergata. But the package had still not arrived and nothing else noteworthy happened at the main street. Isak looked for a long time upon Susannas door at the end of the prominent staircase at the front of the large, coral colored building that was the Pensjonat. It was one of the oldest buildings in the town and you could sense that it was there before most of the other houses. It was so tall like a countryside manor misplaced in this narrow street. Isak could barely see the roof no matter where in the main street he stood. After a while he just strolled on, walked little uphill to reach the old, red wooden church.

It had been painted many times but the way the walls stood you could see it was older than anyone in this city could remember. The churchyard had some nice trees and a good view down towards the fjord. There he stood a bit feeling the wind on his face when he suddenly heard someone approach with determined steps in the gravel behind him. “The door to the church is locked” Isak turned around startled and the chock only increased when he saw the man from yesterday standing behind him. He was younger than Isak measured him to be at the distance and he had a very clever look in his icy blue eyes. The target of his two days intense search was looking directly at him with no movement other than a dawning smile. He was wearing the yellow scarf and the collar on his petrol colored jacket turned up. He had a very good posture and both hands in his pockets while he was studying Isak intensely.

“I wanted to go inside just now but I couldn’t” he made a gesture towards the church with his head.

 “Why would you?” Was the only thing Isak could say and that evolved the strangers dawning smile.

 “You’re right” he said almost snapping out of something, nodded politely with the same knowing smile and walked on leaving Isak with a hammering heart. He stopped again in the middle of the narrow gravel path as he bent a bit forward and lit a cigarette blocking the wind with his hand and then turned around again.

 “Could you tell me something?” Pause. “There is a headstone over there on the grave of a young man who died a year ago”. Isak mouth opened a bit with a small breath as he was surprised at the directness of this inquiry.” Did you know him?” Now he had a serious look, with his eyebrows drawn a bit closer together.

Isak was both excited by the prospect of having a conversation with this man, but also very uncomfortable by the subject. “Yes, I knew him. Not well but… his name was Niels” The stranger made an apologetic face.

 “You see, I sat on the stone just before…”

“Why would you… “Isak’s voice suddenly high pitched, this was just too much.

“And then two women passed me, and it was quite clear that they found it inappropriate”

“Why would you sit on it?” Isak said more collected.

“It has the perfect distance from the church. And I was making a drawing”

He took the notebook out of his pocket and opened to a page past the middle where there was a very detailed drawing of the whole church. He even colored it bright red.

“This church is very old so I came here to draw it”

“You study churches?”

“You could say that” he said with a smile and looked at Isak with this same examining look. “What’s your name?”

Isak panicked a bit, he found this whole thing too much and out of the ordinary. Who starts a conversation like this - and in a graveyard? Sitting on the tombstones?

 “Isak Valtersen” The man put the cigarette in his left hand and reached the right forward

“My name is Even Næsheim, pleasure” his smile was completely shameless.

 

Isak expected to see him the next day in church. He wanted to go inside yesterday and if he was so interested in churches then the Sunday mass must be important as well. But he didn’t show up, and surprisingly to himself Isak felt very disappointed.

 That afternoon he and his mother visited Mrs. Kviig at the clergy house.

Eva Kviig was there too and had a triumphant look on her face. Her read hair was in a long, thick braid and she was dressed very ladylike. Still she was looking at Isak like they were 7 and 12 again and she just outsmarted him in a kids game. He didn’t like this smug face on her. Isak not having any brothers or sisters she was almost like a big sister to him with both the affection and the jealousy that comes along.  He wondered if she was ever jealous of him as well.  

When they had their coffee Isak walked a bit around in the house, the priest was out and Isak thought maybe he’d wait for him for a little while in his study. The disturbing conversation he had yesterday at the church with this evocative stranger had been bothering him all night giving him dreams about last summer and the events that they all were trying to forget. A knot built in Isaks stomach when he suddenly noticed the drawing of the red church on the desk. He recognized it right away, took it up and read the writing on the backside:  Nordfjordeid Church, anno 1902 – seen from the outside, Even Næsheim. _Seen from the outside? That was a pretty obvious statement. Seen from a tombstone rather_ , Isak thought and let out a loud Ha!, just as the priest walked in along with Even that looked very surprised and amused to see Isak standing there in the study with his drawing in his hands.   

“Isak, you must meet Even” They shook hands, again.

“He is a very skilled artist; I see you have already seen this wonderful drawing of our beloved church!”

Isak put the drawing back on the table “Yes I have. Seen from the outside!” he said with an optimistic tone in his voice gesturing with the back of his hand towards to backside of the paper with Evens writing, secretly wondering if Even realized he was teasing him now.

“Well, the door to the church was locked so I couldn’t get inside, that was” Even said with a mischief look on his face

“Actually, it was my daughter who noticed this drawing first” mr. Kviig said with a proud look on his face.

“Eva - Miss. Kviig” – he said turning his head shortly to Even “she knew right away that this detailed image of my place of work for the last 28 years would please her father” the priest looked at Isak like they at this moment shared the same fondness.

“You have a very observant daughter” Even said politely with a warm deep voice. The priest was beaming.

Isak looked at the two. Even was a head taller than Mr. Kviig, and he looked very out of place in the low-ceilinged study. It was almost like he came from a foreign country visiting the living quarters of an African tribe for the first time. Hands folded behind him with a kind and open look on his face, like he never had seen anything like this before. Isak was wondering about his age again, his look was young but there was something around his eyes that gave away age. He also wondered if Even had had the misfortune of mentioning Niels, but from the look of the priest, Isak would guess that he definitely hadn’t.

“Tell me, did you come here directly from Kristiania?” The priest directed at Even.

“No, Helsingfors” Even looked across the books in the high bookshelf above the large desk.

Isak could hear his mother and Mrs. Kviig talking in the hall, getting ready to take leave.

“I must go, we are leaving now it seems” Isak tried. “It was good meeting you again” he nodded at Even, and left.


	2. Nightcall

 

The fishing boat sailed out today without Isak. He excused himself with some work he promised he would do a long time ago. An old tree in the priest’s garden had split in half last autumn due to the heavy weight of the fruit, and when it cracked open you could see that it was completely rotten inside. Isak guessed that the trees in this garden must be just as old as the church. The havoc it had made in the garden was increased by the priests own attempt to drag some of the cracked trunk towards the shed. He brought an axe from the shed at their small house at the dock and walked uphill towards the church and the clergy house, pleased by the thought of finally helping the poor man out of his troubles. Mrs. Kviig had many times complained about the mess in the garden and sometimes she even drew the curtains so she -or her guests didn’t have to look at it.

When he arrived the front door was open but he didn’t meet anybody inside. He left the axe at the door, took of his boots and walked in. He walked straight to the study to see if the drawing was still there at the desk but it was gone.

“Hi Isak” a clear and high voice behind him rang through the room.

“Hi Eva, nice weather” They both smiled.   

“Did you see him yesterday?” she asked, flashing all her white teeth. Isak knew right away who she meant and gave a small nod.

“He gave me a drawing. Well he said it was for my father, but I convinced him to do one for me as well. I am not sure if he will draw the church once more. Do you think he is a famous artist?” She walked around the room a bit.

“I doubt it, Eva”. Isak thought that she must have come across a bit intrusive to Even and he felt embarrassed, as if he was responsible for her actions.

“We all think so, Isak. He looks that way”. Isak wondered who else in this town already met him.

“What else did you talk about?” Isak thought about the exchange of words he had with Even at the churchyard, and examined the look on her face.

“Just the Pensjonat, he lives there while he is in town. He knows Susanna!”

“And for how long…” Pause.

Isak spotted the priest through the window; he was in the garden kicking irritated in the rotten core wood on the cracked surface of the old trunk.

“Will you excuse me Eva, I actually promised your father that I’d help him today”

“I will come out later with something to drink” she looked fondly at him. Isak tried to smile but he felt some foreign feelings towards her growing now; he felt she was intrusive and assumed all sorts of things about Even. He wanted to figure him out himself and not have these half-truths served from her in a clumsy way.

The priest stopped his childish kicking and looked up as Isak came out.

“Good of you to come, Isak. I do think there is nothing more messy than an old apple tree. The bark is so smudgy” he made a face. Isak could think of things messier than that, a whole barrel of fish juice was one.

“I’ll get the axe” Isak said. The priest look relieved.

They had been at it for a few hours and a lot of the wood was chopped and thrown in a big pile. The grass was yellow in a long broad stripe, where the split trunk had been laid out for too long. Mrs. Kviig had been outside many times to express how happy she was that they finally did this. Praising Isaks efficiency and at the same time trying to make her husband feel the right amount of guilty that this had been put off for so long. Suddenly Eva also came out walking fast, almost running towards Isak.

“He drew the ferry, would you see? The ferry in in the water just down there at the dock. I never realized how pretty it looked there in the water surrounded by mountains. I think he drew it from his bedroom window. “The last thing she whispered to Isak like it was some secret.

 Isak looked around quickly, and spotted Even through the window I the living room talking to Mrs. Kviig. The curtains were now open and just then they caught eyes as Even glanced out the window towards Isak, almost as he knew exactly where he was; had he been looking at him? Eva was showing the drawing to her exhausted father who praised it and asked if Even would stay for dinner. No, Eva had already asked but he was leaving again.

“Let’s call it a day Isak, I think we got a long way today.” Isak agreed. He wanted to get out of there too.

He walked around the house with the axe in his hand not wanting to go through the house one more time. When he turned the corner he saw Even a little down the road lighting a cigarette just as he did the other day. When Even saw him he raised his hand as to call him over. Isak walked up.

“You are visiting the clergy house quite often these days.” Isak noted. Their exchanges already felt so intimate.

“So are you” Even said like he was enjoying this too much.

“You came to give Eva a drawing of the ferry?” Isak was surprised how confronting his own voice sounded.

“Well, she asked for a drawing and I can see that damn ship every day from my window. Besides, I came to find you. I need to talk to you about something”

Isak felt his cheeks warm up and he sat down the axe as to give Even a signal to talk.

“No, we can’t talk about it here. Definitely not right here.” They gave each other an intense look.

“Could you come to Pensjonat Vestergata 44 tonight at 8? I live there”.

Isak tried to make a face that was appropriately surprised yet a little uninterested, as someone does when they are told news they secretly already know all about.

“Sure, I can do that.”

“Yes, come at 8. You need to clean up first I guess. You are completely green all over!” Even was laughing at him as he let his eyes run up and down Isak. “Susanna wouldn’t like that”.  Isak smiled at that but had to look down quickly. Evens eyes on him made him feel dizzy.

Isak and his parents had fish for dinner and afterwards they had a dessert Mrs. Kviig had brought earlier.

“She was in such a good mood!” Isaks mother said.

“Yer, she wanted to get rid of that tree for a long time” Isak explained as he took some dessert on his plate. It stuck to the large silver spoon they only used for special occasions.

“But I think she is also relived that Eva is doing so much better. After what happened last year, she has obviously felt very affected.” She was twisting her pale hands looking at her husband, who took a spoonful of the sticky dessert. He looked up.

“Well that is good news, those events are best forgotten”. Isaks father said looking at his wife with strong eyes.

Isak thought about the evenings impending events and wondered if they would talk in the large common room, or if they would go to Evens room. It seemed like Even wanted to talk to him in private. He felt now he could hardly wait.

“I am meeting someone tonight, it might get late” Isak said to his parents.

 

The sun was low when Isak walked down the main street. This time of year they only had a few hours of darkness in the night and a long way into the evening the light was as strong as midday. And the nightly hours weren’t really dark as there was always a light blue color just above the horizon. He had changed to long, dark pants even though it was still very warm. But he felt the needs to be a bit more formal for this meeting. He had to wash completely as the green bark was stuck in his hair as well. Now he felt like he smelled of soap instead and he had combed his unruly, damp curls back. There was something solemn over his plans, yet he didn’t know what to expect. He took in a deep breath. The main street was lively. Although faith was strong among the town’s inhabitants, in the spring time young men and women still sought out in the streets at night, walking in the low sun with a hopeful promise to fall in love.

The door to the Pensjonat was open and two men were on their way out, both very high spirited saying goodbye many times to the company inside. Isak got nervous and he waited a bit for the commotion to pass. The men left down the street and the door was closed by someone inside.

 

He collected himself and walked up the small staircase, contemplated shortly if he should knock but decided that no one else would do that. So he just opened the door and walked in. The entrance hall was long and narrow and was, like the rest of the 3 floored house, equipped with elegant antiquities.  A large white bouquet of wax-like flowers in front of an oval mirror met Isak with a strong floral scent. He expected the house to be full of people but most noises appeared to come from the kitchen, and a smaller group of people sat in the back garden. In the sofa two rooms back Even sat reading a newspaper. When he saw Isak he folded the paper twice with very abrupt movement, got up and walked towards him to greet him. He looked nervous as well and gave Isak a serious look he didn’t quite understand.

“You look good”, he said as if he thought about it for a bit. Then he lit up in a warm smile as he lifted his eyes to look behind Isak. Susanna came in.

“Oh hello, it’s you Isak! I wondered if I should expect someone familiar. Even said he was expecting a local. I am preparing a tray for you. Can you boys carry it up yourselves?”

Isak was expected.

“Of cause, certainly” Even had a lovingly tone and holding the woman fondly with both hands on her arms.

“You see my legs… I don’t jump up the stairs as I used to do” Susanna said addressed to Isak. “I have young girls and a boy coming once a day to make the beds upstairs and carry the warm water”.

She left for the kitchen again, and Even winked at Isak. Then he put the newspaper back in the stack on a tall coffee table and walked back to the sofa to get his notebook.

“Have you made more drawings?” Isak said trying to sound light and sincere.

“No, I wrote something I thought of when I was out walking this morning. I will show you later.” Isaks heart started hammering softly at the prospect of “later”.

Susanna sat a tray on the table at the kitchen with tea and biscuits arranged on a 3 tier cake stand of white porcelain. And a long pipe with tobacco. 

“I’m on the third floor” Even took the tray and walked towards the black wooden staircase in the entrance hall next to the strong smelling flowers. And Isak just followed.

The third floor was a loft with open look all the way up to the rafters. It was nicely furnitured as well but very dark as all the windows on this floor were in Evens room. He opened the low door with his elbow and ducked to get inside a large, bright and cozy room with several narrow windows facing the main street and a broad one facing the fjord with stunning view of the mountains and the harbor.   

 

 

“Have a seat” Even dumped into a large soft chair immediately beginning to stuff his pipe. Isak looked around. The room was filled with things as if someone already lived there. This was not a normal guest room.

“Have you stayed here before?”

“No, I have never been in this part of the country before. I know Susanna from a time I spent in København.” Isak wanted to know much more about these things, but he had traveled so little in his short life so he was embarrassed to expose his lack of knowledge about the world outside. Even lit the pipe, took a draw and offered it to Isak straight away.

“I met someone yesterday down at the tavern”. Isak took a soft draw on the pipe trying not to look up. He had never been inside the tavern. That was against the ways of his family.

“He is the doctor here in the town, do you know him?” Even asked casually. Isak looked up through his thick lashes; “yes, I know him”. He wanted to tell Even that he’d never go to the tavern himself. “He is the only doctor in town, everybody knows him.”

“You’re right. I just wasn’t sure. You look like someone who would never catch a cold” Even look interested at him and Isak felt dizzy again.

“We had a very long talk at the tavern; or he did most of the talking. Turned out he once had a sweet heart in Helsingfors, and when he realized I just arrived from there he got all sentimental. Tea?”  He poured up for the both of them. 

Evens eyes had lost their fire and gotten serious again “I now know that your friend ended his own life. The doctor told me.” Isak looked at him with big, round eyes lowering the teacup slowly before he even had a sip.

“He wasn’t my friend though” Isak said and placed the cup on the porcelain platter.

“But he was a friend of Miss. Kviig?”

“Yes, they were friends. She was very sad for a long time. We don’t know why he did it. It’s a sin” Isak said, as he thought that this was what his father would have said to close the conversation. But Isak said it to see Evens reaction instead. And he definitely had the other boy’s full attention now.

 But Even just continued.

 “The doctor told me this boy Niels wrote a bizarre suicide note. I guess you did’t know. Even paused, as if he was considering this one more time

He leaned back in the soft armchair and looked straight at Isak.

“It said: _I should wish your knife was as sharp as your last rejection_. Isn’t that something?” He passed the pipe back to Isak who took it as he looked back at Even who nodded silently.

“This is the poetry of a man deeply in love” Even said gesturing as if he was studying a literary text. “And the doctor agreed with me on this. He said that Niels was deeply in love with Miss. Kviig…”

Isak jumped up with the pipe still in his hand, his chest was heaving and his eyes were black as he stood there in the middle of the floor. Even looked startled up at him. Then Isak looked down at his chair as to ground himself and just sat down again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know this. You are probably right. She is someone you’d fall in love with…” Isak said, and Even nodded looking relieved that Isak had calmed down so fast.

And then Even started telling him the elaborate story that he had from the doctor at the tavern. About last summer and Niels’ long struggle with his impossible love for Eva.

Niels very well knew what kind of disadvantageous impression his prolonged infatuation created, and how hopeless his love for Miss. Kviig actually was. But he knew this in the way that you know things, yet a strong will in your very soul still hopes that you are wrong. His blind love was telling him that miracles could happen. What if his senses, his mind, all his instincts in clear daylight failed him? It was first when he heard the loud and clear verdict from Eva’s own lips his heart broke and the cold reality replaced the tender dream his life until that moment depended on.

“In doubt, nobody despairs” Even said looking at Isak, waiting for the words to settle in his mind.

“In the note these poetic words told the story of his minds deceit. Isn’t that remarkable?”

Isaks heart was racing in his chest as he looked at Even and then out the broad window towards the Fjord where the ferry docks twice a day.

“Yes, I feel sorry for him” Isak said. “I have never felt like that myself” He looked at Even and their eyes met for a moment. He thought to himself that Even knew much about love.

He stayed most of the night talking with Even about the town, the old houses and the forests up the mountains. Even had been there this morning he said as he took out a loose note from his notebook.

“I wrote it after my walk today, you can have it.” Even handed the note over, and Isak was about to open it.

“No, please wait till you get home” did he look embarrassed? Isak couldn’t help but smile.

“Okay. So I don’t get a drawing?” They both laughed.

When Isak reached the fence to his backyard he opened the note:

_Bend just you head now, flower_

_Bend it among the leaves_

_Await now with your crown closed_

_Summer nights blissful peace_

 Isak pressed it against his chest. This was so much better than a drawing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title for this chapter is from London Grammars tune with the same title. The poem in the end is translated from a danish poem by Johannes Jørgensen written in 1903 and turned into choir music by danish composer Carl Nielsen. If a couple had "a song" in 1902, it would sound like this:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A7meWbR9gI&feature=youtu.be
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. A dinner party

When Isak woke up the next morning he felt changed. He had no appetite and his mind was far away from the breakfast table his father had set up for the two of them, before a long day of hard labor. The waters in which their fishing boat floated out into felt like a divine vessel for his wandering thoughts. He felt new and filled with life. Every deed during his day felt like an act of poetry and wonder.

They finished early. There was not much catch in their fykes and Isak’s father was a little worried about his quiet and absent minded son.

“Let’s get home and see if your mother is back from her errands” he smiled at his boy. And Isak smiled back, yes he would like that.

“Remember son, the Lords ways goes through the ocean and across the snow on the mountaintops where no human eye can find a path”

Somehow these words applied in wondrous ways to his inner turmoil even if Isak thought it shouldn’t, and this gave birth to an emotional conflict inside him, that he didn’t have a moment ago. It felt like his father’s words was both the problem and the answer at the same time.

When they came home his mother told them that they were all invited to a dinner party in the clergy house in two days. She had started preparing their clothes.

It was June 1. On this first of many summer nights to come, the guests were met by two lit torches at the main entrance of the clergy house sending a glow over the walls of the old house in the bright evening hours.  And a pleasing smell of food and herbs came towards them when they stepped inside the entrance hall. People arrived in small groups and stepped into the living room gently and solemnly. They were all in fine clothes and the men wearing high black hats as it was custom.

Isak was greeted with kisses on his cheeks from both Eva and Mrs. Kviig. The hostess was so pleased with him and praised again the work he did in the garden. She immediately announced to him that he should be her table partner this evening.

When they came in Isak spotted Even across the room. He was very well dressed, in black and white with an otherworldly glance from the torch fire coming through the window. He had a lively discussion with the doctor, a short red-haired man with a large, white forehead and round glasses. He was gesticulating at Even who looked quite amused over the doctor’s efforts letting out a small laugh now and then placing a friendly hand at the doctor’s arm. The sight filled Isak with unruly anticipation, he smiled at Mrs. Kviig who took his jacket and hung it up next to the others in the hall.

The long oval table was beautifully set with a bright white table cloth. Mrs. Kviig had lined up a long row of white candles down the center of the table and the little flames shined upon their faces and reflected in clear eyes. The table plan for 14 guests was strategically prearranged. Isak was at the end of the table next to Mrs. Kviig, as already announced, and at the other end was Even next to Eva who was already exceedingly entertained by his small, clever remarks. A ringing sound evoked silence in the room as the priest tapped his glass with a small, silver dessert spoon.

“Welcome all my friends, young and old, to our humble home. My wife and I invite you today to welcome the summer months into our daily lives. And to celebrate that the garden has finally been restored to its proper state” ‘Laughs’ Mr. and Mrs. Kviig exchanged loving eyes.

“-with help from Isak of course. You did most of the lifting, I know that” ‘Laughs’ Mrs. Kviig squeezed Isak shoulder tenderly, and when he looked up Even was looking straight at him with ravening eyes. Isak felt his cheeks getting red but managed to put on a charming smile. His dear mother’s cheeks were red too at the attention from Mr. Kviig.

“Before we eat we will say a short table prayer to bless our meal and guide our spirits” the priest sat down and folded his hands.     

“Let this meal uphold my body. Let my body be the servant of my soul; and let my soul advance only in the Lord, Amen” Everyone looked down, only Even looked up. He was again looking at Isak, as if he was solving some complex riddle.

The talk at the table was lively. The wine had made the cheeks red on the women and the men’s voices louder.

“A picture says more than a thousand words! That’s a scientific fact!” The doctor said eagerly. He had been studying photography lately and he wanted to get a camera himself. “You see, I could describe your daughter’s beauty in a thousand words, but it would never reproduce her in the same way as a photo would” he almost yelled at the priest. Eva’s face was flaming.

“You are right my friend, absolutely right! I have now looked at that church over there…” the priest gestured towards the window from where you could see the church “…for 28 years. And I had never taken in all the little details before I saw them on the drawing Mr. Næsheim made” He raised his glass towards Even and Even returned the gesture.

“Thank you Mr. Kviig, but I don’t agree with either of you. Well, I agree with the fact that my drawing was detailed. I had a lot of time to do it, as I was waiting for the sexton to come and unlock the door for me and that never happened. I also agree with the doctor that Miss. Kviig’s beauty is great and must be difficult to describe in words.” Mrs. Kviig let out a little gasp. Isak felt cold. He didn't like Evas recption of these words, like they were an obvious truth.

Even continued: “But I think that words are more important than images. It is through words we can learn what happened in ancient times before we were born, and through words we can collect what has passed among people at times when we were not there to witness it. And it is by giving someone else our word that we make promises that we can keep, or be judged if we don’t keep them.” Even looked at Isak. “Words can collect impressions that goes beyond the eye, and a word creates what it speaks out of thin air. Remember, in the beginning was the word – that was stated in scriptures thousands of years ago. Language is what differentiates us from the animals; language is what bestows upon man the divine.”

The room was silent as a grave; Isak could see that his father was moved by these words. Then the doctor broke out in eager applause and the rest of the table followed. Isak thought of the poem Even gave him. But then he remembered that he just said to the whole table that Eva was indescribably beautiful and he wondered if Even had tried to describe it in his notebook.

 

Before dessert the men walked outside to smoke. The sky had darkened at this late hour and the light from the torches was now more dramatic casting long shadows in the white summer night. Some of them seemed drunk and laughed in deep vocals of a filthy joke.  Isaks father and the school teacher had walked a little down the road. They were discussing the maintenance of a town boat that could carry a company of 10 people at the time.

Isak strolled around the building to the garden; he wanted to see if the yellow streak in the grass had turned more green. They hadn’t had much rain since they moved the trunk and in the half dark he could clearly still see the pale impression in the grass.    

“Did you like the poem?” Evens deep voice was suddenly behind him and when he turned around he stood so close to him that Isak had to lean back. Even didn’t move.

“Yes, very much” Isak simply said.

 Even looked down at Isaks mouth, then he gently lead a hand to his face and put a thumb on his lips. With eyelids half closed he said:

 “I think; never had a rushed word crawled over these lips”.

A shiver went through Isak, then he took a step back in his confusion unleashing Evens hand on his face in the same movement. Then Even smiled just as shameless as he did the first time they meet, and he had just been sitting on the tombstone in the graveyard - just 50 meters away from the garden they stood in now. Even put his hands in his pockets raised his eyebrows knowingly at Isak, then turned around on his heal and walked back to the rest of the pipe smoking men in the front yard. When Isak came to his senses he looked towards the living room windows and saw Eva looking directly at him with an upset look on her face.

Isak walked back towards the front door, passing the other men and Even who turned his head to look after him. In the entrance hall the first thing he saw was Eva and the teacher’s wife, Mrs. Bjørnholt in the front room of the house. Mrs. Bjørnholt was holding Eva’s hands in her own two and looked fondly into Eva pale face, Isak could see they had both had too much wine.

 “I am so happy for you dear, he is so handsome! And wonderful with words” Mrs. Bjørnholt said tightening the grip in Evas hands. Eva wrenched her hands from the other woman and quickly placed her hands on her shoulders instead.

“Thank you, I feel very blessed. I need to go and check in the kitchen, I think dessert is ready.” Eva excused herself and walked in the direction of the kitchen. Isak felt numb but also in awe of the strength this girl had just demonstrated. _She must be in chock_ , he thought.

The table had been redecorated for dessert with artistically folded napkins and half of the candle lights were replaced with wild flowers. They still had the same seats. Even was being even more snappy and charming, but Eva wasn’t laughing as hysterically as before. People were drunk.

“No! I deny it!” The doctor stood up so fast his chair tipped over.

“But who else could have known? I’d say you are the worst gossip in this town. And you are the doctor!” Mr. Bjørnholt was red in the face. Isaks father stood up.

“Old friends, I think you have forgotten where we are. Let us not fill Mrs. Kviigs living room with harsh words but instead part as friends in peace. It is the most beautiful summer night in many years and I am sure that all good things are ahead of us. Isaks mother stood up as well and looked at her good friend Mrs. Kviig.

“Thank you for a magical evening. It has as always been a pleasure to spend time in your welcoming home”.  Mrs. Kviig was glowing with joy. And as the most natural thing the dinner party ended and people left in high spirits shaking hands and talking loudly as they walked in little groups down the street towards the town.

Isak and his parents walked downhill towards their house at the docks taking the smaller roads parallel to the main street. His parents walked arm in arm ahead of Isak whispering soft words to each other taking in the summer night and warmed by the company they just left. Isak walked far behind them with his hands in his pockets looking at the pavement if front of him with a small smile. He could still feel Evens touch on his lips and his words resounding in his head. This newfound happiness in his heart felt like it could make his chest burst. He could not recognize his own feelings; they had no named home in his mind. Isak was in love with Even, yet he didn’t know what that meant.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small passages in this chapter was adopted freely from the short story Bebette's Feast by Karen Blixen. Thank you for reading!


	4. Botanical excursion

A large group of people, mainly children, had gathered at the dock to await the ferry. The doctor was expecting a shipment from Kristiania and many were now curious to see the awaited spectacle. Through mail order he had bought a camera and would be the first in the town to own one. Thus he was in a crisp mood from this rewarding shopping experience, arranging the children in rows on the dock, so they would not get in the way when the cargo rolled in. Mr. Bjørnson, the teacher, had brought all the school children because this new technology was something to see. When the large wooden box came the doctor cracked it open right there on the dock with a crowbar he got from the dock keeper and the brand new camera with telescope legged tripod was showcased in front of the crowd.

“This arrived just in time. I shall bring it for the annual town picnic tomorrow!”

The crowd broke out in cheer and hoorays.

In the box was also a developed image of the man who’d sent it, with a personal greeting for the doctor written on the back:

“Honorable Dr. Solberg, congratulations on your new equipment! Now you can preserve moments forever” – Yours sincerely, Hartvig.”

The doctor read through the short message many times, and turned the picture to look at this man in the streets of Kristiania. He looked so kind and friendly.

The doctor decided then and there to go and visit him one day. And show him a couple of the wonderful images he intended to produce. 

He took a picture of the crowd on the dock. Some of the children got afraid of what would happen to them and started crying. Then the séance was over, the children walked back to the school with Mr. Bjørnson and the doctor went home with the camera on a wheel barrel.

 

The town picnic was a much anticipated, annual event. It was a day of botanical exploring, social games and eating and drinking under blue skies. They traveled by boat to the same green groves every year. The town had some communal boats that could carry a group of ten people at a time and others had small rowing boats and arrived to the agreed shore on their own accord. Isaks father had a tradition of rowing out there with Isak and the large picnic basket of food the family brought. Allowing his wife to travel with the communal boat as she preferred without a thing to carry other than her white parasol. 

They rowed steadily through the water close to the other ships and could already hear a festive mood on the deck. The doctor had as promised brought his new camera and now he wanted to take a picture of the passengers on the boat. People debated and said it was dangerous, but the doctor insisted. Then Isaks mother said that if they should fall in the water her husband would save them in his rowing boat. So a small group agreed to be in the photo.

 

Isak's eyes searched through the people on the large boats as he found Even on the other one with the yellow scarf sitting next to Mr. Kviig at the ship bow. Isak wondered why they weren’t in the same boat as the doctor. He let his fingertips slide through the cold water as he thought about how this water carried Even and him at the same time. He wished he would never leave their town.

The grass was already high and green and they had to lie some of it flat to spread out the blankets. Old people with bad knees had brought little stools to sit on and the children would just roll around in the grass as they were.

“Isak, come over here!” Mrs. Kviig sat on a blanket and stretched both hands covered with white gloves towards Isak.

“Ha ha, careful that I don’t get jealous now” said the priest to his wife.

Isak sat down next to the little family and he was offered a piece of the dessert they brought.

“I am so happy that Even would join us again today. He is such a good contribution to all social events” Eva said a little too loud. Then they all looked over at him. He was talking to the doctor about the camera and had the sleeves on his white shirt rolled up to the elbows as if he was going to do mechanic work on the apparatus. He leaned up the rock behind him, as the doctor was trying to adjust the length on the telescope tripod, and looked straight at Isak. 

“You have become quite good friends with him haven’t you Isak?” Eva said. Isak could not hear any undercurrents in her voice so he relaxed a bit.

“Yes, I have had some conversations with him. I don’t know much about him though” Isak was a little surprised himself how little he actually knew about Even.

“Well, we are very fond of him – aren’t we Eva?” Mrs. Kviig said, definitely with undercurrents now.

“Mamma, please” Eva cheeks got pink. 

“He is a very decent and talented human being” said the priest. “And he is wealthy” he covered his mouth from the side with a hand as to signal that this was only for them to hear.

“Gregers!” Mrs. Kviig took her white glove off and slapped her husband teasingly. Isak had never considered this before, but it made sense. How else could he travel around doing without a trade?

It was afternoon and Isak couldn’t see Even anywhere, they had secretly kept track of each other all day, eyes meeting through the crowd. With a pounding heart he was now looking for Eva as well. He walked away from the gathering, telling himself that he may see things he didn’t want to see if he walked on. He hiked a little downhill feeling his heavy heart weighing him down. A couple of white butterflies flew up in front of him then he noticed Even in the middle of the steep meadow. Half covered by the tall grass but with long, bended legs sticking up, one crossing the other and with a cloud of smoke rising over him. He was alone and a warm wave washed though Isaks whole body. He took a deep breath and walked over to stand in front of him.

 

“Where have you been?”

“Oh, hello… did anyone follow you here?” Even asked, while casting a shadow over his eyes with his hand.

Isak shook his head.

“The girls, Eva and her friends, they have been chasing med around. I am in exile” he took a deep inhale of his cigarette, and looked at Isak with his eyes a little squeezed.

Isak sat down next to Even. ”Eva… so no more Miss. Kviig then?

Even gave him a cryptic look.

Isak looked around “What a nice place you have found for your exile”.

“I always hide the nicest places. I see it as one of the finest privileges a man can have.” Even said, and Isak laughed at that and leaned back so he could lie next to Even facing the sky like him.

It was quiet between them for a while and all they could here was what sounded like a thousand birds chirping in the treetops in the woodland edge behind them.

“I found something. I want to show it to you” Even said. He sat up and put out the cigarette in the grass. “Will you come with me?” Even ran a few fingers over Isak’s hands and this time Isak didn’t move away.

They got up and had walked for a little while when they came to a small rock formation on a hill in a grove of old tress. Even hopped unto the low monolith and sat there with his leg over the edge.

“It’s a dolmen! These stones were placed like this, on top of each other thousands of years ago”

“So you are a historian? Or archaeologist.”

“No, I just read about it in a book, Isak. It is marking a grave” Even smiled proud.

“It’s just.  I realize I don’t know anything about you.”

Even face got serious “what do you need to know?” He sounded so sincere and it melted Isaks heart completely. Then he walked up real close to Even so their eyes were leveled and rested his two hands on top of Evens legs.

“It’s just. Now you are sitting on a tombstone again” Even laughed a bit then he laid one hand on Isaks shoulder caressing the side of his neck with the tip of his thumb. He felt Isak’s high pulse though his fingers and dragged his hand down and pressed if flat on his chest to feel his heartbeat. He looked with a serious expression up into his eyes.

“I will make this OK, Isak. I promise. I can make this OK don’t you worry” Isak’s galloping heart and the dark redness on his neck and cheeks had made Even desperate and his voice was sore and full of tenderness. Isak swallowed hard and nodded.

Even glided down from the stone into the other boy’s arms, leaned forward and kissed him so intense making Isak’s head spin.  In a second Even was all over him seemingly unable to control himself. Then they broke the kiss, chests heaving, to look at each other. As if to see if this was real. And it was.

“I am so lost in love for you” Isak said with a low, broken voice as he looked shy up at Even. The words did something to Even. He wanted to kneel down in front of this boy, kiss his feet, his legs, his fingers. Make him many promises and keep them. Every single promise he would keep.

They could hear voices coming closer.

 “I think we need to leave the picnic” Even said looking at Isaks mouth still with shortened breath. “When do the boats leave?”

“They don’t leave until evening. But I have a rowing boat.” Isak said and Even looked impressed and relived.

They walked back to the picnic that had turned into an enthusiastic gathering with warm speeches and sentimental toasts to nature, love and to thetown.

Isak walked over to his father.

“I promised to take Even to town right away. He has some… urgent business”

Isaks father looked a bit confused. “Sure, I will take the ship home with your mother” He smiled and nodded politely at Even. “Have a safe trip”.

“Thank you sir” Even said looking a little pale.

They threw their shoes in the boat, folded their pants up and pushed the boat from the gravel shore into the water. Even jumped in first and sat down to take the oars. Isak hopped in elegantly and sat in the other side facing Even who tried to turn the boat with one oar. Isak’s face lost all expression at the demonstration.

“Let me, please?”

“Oh, you are in a hurry?” Even laughed teasingly.

Once Isak got the oars they took in a good speed. Isak looked at Even in front of him. There he sat in the middle of the dramatic landscape sliding forwards, clear water at all sides and green mountainsides as raw edges to this elegant image. He could feel Evens eyes on him, leaned back and quiet he studied Isaks rowing with heavy eyelids.

A nearly empty town met them once the boat reached the dock. Quiet they stepped out of the boat and Isak tied it to the dockside. Without a word they walked towards Penjonat Vestergata 44. Susanna was not there and the place was empty but Even had a key. He opened the door and elegantly he indicated Isak to go in first, but Isak just stormed in aiming for the stairs. Even locked the door and ran after Isak. Up, up, up. Even took two and three steps at the time. He tripped, let out swearing and cursing, got up again and tried to catch up. Isak suddenly felt he was chased by something dangerous. When he reached the dark loft the door to the room was closed so he turned his back against the door and waited for Even who followed just after. He stormed into Isak kissing him and breathing into his mouth, right hand roaming the skin under his shirt while he searched for the room keys in his pocket. They stumbled into the room when Even finally managed to open the low door and landed on the bed.

 “How old are you?”

“Huh?” Isak was drunk in emotions.

He was on the bed Even holding him down.

“How old are you, Isak?”

He blinked a couple of times. “19” he looked down in a moment of shyness. “I have no idea what I am doing, Even” The other boy looked at him fondly.

“I know” Even started kissing him again.

Isak broke it off. “How old are you?”

“You don’t want to know” Even started to pull up his shirt, but paused.

“I am 28. And I am an agronomist. I left my home a couple of years ago”.

“Accepted” Isak said and pulled Evens face close to his.

He whispered into Isak’s ear:

“And I am so lost in love with you too”.

“I know”.


	5. Mad House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before the truth can set you free you need to recognize which lie is holding you hostage.

How could the world change by the passing of simple events? Something nameless, with no structure or meaning in a room between two people had now turned every little concept in Isak’s life into a constellation, a brand new world, where everything had a poetic context.

Hours had passed with looks and smiles and deep stares into dizzying depts.  Isak dozed off at some point. He was exhausted by these new feelings and by being an inhabitant in a new world. That’s how he saw it. He wondered if Even felt it too.

He sat up in the bed wondering what woke him up. He was naked only wearing socks and the bed felt too soft and the cover too heavy, he was sweating. Next to the bed he saw Even in a chair with a distant expression, looking out the window facing the harbor. It was evening and they could both hear life in the big house. More drinking. Some loud voices downstairs made Isak relieved that this floor only was Evens. Theirs. No one would come up unless they had business with them or needed to clean.  It seemed like the participants at the town picnic had returned being more loud in the streets than usual and Isak wanted to hide away here with Even until there was no one else in the world. Then he thought about his parents and kicked off the heavy cover to be able to breathe.

The room had changed since Isak was last there, he didn’t notice this until now. On the desk was a lot of opened mail and pieces of paper with long lists written in a small, eager handwriting. He also noticed a violin case on the floor. There were so many things in this room! They couldn’t all belong to Even, they couldn’t all have arrived on the ferry that day.  

When Even realized he was awake he walked over and sat down on the bed in front of him looking  at him with the most fond expression, maybe even something Isak hadn’t seen in his eyes before. He gently put a kiss to Isaks cheek and stroke the spot with three fingertips immediately afterwards as to feel the patch of skin where they touched.

“How are you feeling?”

_I feel new and strange._

“I’m okay” he knew what he actually meant by that question. “You?”

“I feel happy” He smiled and Isak examined his face.

“Me too. So much.” Isak moved closer and put their foreheads together.

In this new world there was a question and the heated closeness between them felt like the answer. This love could find it’s ways through the ocean and across the snow on the mountaintops where no human eye can find a path. Isak only had poetry in his head. He had forgotten everything else.

“I think I need more rest to be honest” Isak said trying to push Even off by getting the heavy cover between them.

“Oh! No, I am sorry. I will try not to violate you again too soon.” Even laughed and Isak rolled his eyes. “Jesus, is this cover filled with sand?” Even said as he tried to push it and himself back onto the confused boy. 

“Yes, you need to control yourself.” Isak teased ”And we can’t just stay in this bed forever either, you know. Or I can’t at least! I don’t know about you to be honest, ha ha”

 Even gave him a deep kiss and then moved himself to the other end of the bed now leaning against the headboard facing Isak. Clever blue eyes resting on Isaks eyes with a sudden lack of emotion

“I talked to your father”

“You did what?!” Isak did not expect this.

“Yes, he turned up an hour ago asking for you downstairs. Susanna sent the boy up.”

“The boy?!” Isak couldn’t deal with this.  

“Even, what did you say to him?” Isak suddenly realized how this whole affair was making him incredibly nervous.

Even lit the pipe in the bed, and Isak thought how this seemed dangerous, he thought about if the bed caught fire and how the visible rafters in the hall outside their door must be so dry standing unprotected in the heated loft. 

“I told him that I was going to need you here for a while” He padded the bed with his hand and took a long drag of the pipe with his eyes squeezed looking at Isak. _Was he enjoying this?_

Isak made an over ironic face. “And he just accepted that?”

“No, of course not. But I told him that I would pay him”

“WHAT?”

“No, no, not like that. Jesus.” Even laughed.

“I told him that I need your help for a while. That I have some land I need to sell in small parcels“

He gestured the parting of small bits with his long hands

”In order to make more money on the deals I need to separate it in a reasonable way, with equal amounts of forest and fresh water. It is not easy. And the more forest you have in addition the more the parcel is worth. So I told him that I need you to measure out the land on a map and write addresses on all the envelopes! There are a lot of those you see.” Even pointed towards the desk.

 ”He protested a bit but accepted it as I said you could learn about agronomy in the southern parts of the country, and that I would compensate you and your family financially for the time.”

Isak stared at him with dumbfounded expression.

“Did you just make all that up…”

“No, it’s true. Well, I didn’t decide to sell the land before this afternoon. And then I made a plan just after we… you know” he laughed. Isaks face turned red.

“What do you mean?” he said with a broken voice.

“Well, I knew right away I needed something, some excuse now while I try to think…“ Even pressed his fingertips against his forehead making deep furrows.

“That’s probably very clever” Isak reached for the long pipe now leaning against the headstand “But it is still a lie”

“No it’s not, not if we send the letters and sell the land? I don’t need it”

“That’s not what I mean. It’s us, we are a lie and we don’t exist. We will not, because we have to be secret.”

“We don’t exist?”

“No, we don’t. If you say a word creates what it mentions out of thin air, then silence and lies creates absence. The lie compromises the collective mindset and you and I - we just disappear“.

Even looked at Isak like an exited little kid.

“Jesus, I’m so sorry. No more rest” he let out with a small laughter and was in a second all over Isak again kissing him and whispering little promises into his ears.

“You and me we exist, I will prove it to you”.

-

Apparently Even had arranged a great deal of things on his little trip downstairs. He had sent one of Susanna’s girls to Isak’s mother to collect some things so he could stay in a guest room while working for Even. And he had asked the kitchen to prepare supper for two. Isak felt very strange sitting there in the large common room among all the other dining guests. They sat just the two of them at small a round table at the large window facing the garden. The walls were heavily decorated with naturalistic paintings of romantic landscapes and long rows of white porcelain plates with blue floral decorations. The other guests were loud and nobody thought anything of the two young men sitting there. They just nodded at Even because they had seen him before. Isak and Even were just two other guests. Maybe friends, maybe business associates. Isak thought long about the bliss of this anonymous environment that was so uncommon for him. Susanna came over with supper herself, she was in a very good mood and looked lovingly at the two of them and lighted the wax candle on the table.

“We are preparing a room for you, Isak. I hear that you will stay here with Even for a while helping him out”

“Thank you, Susanna” Isak said with an innocent look.

“I thought about what you said before” Even interrupted his wandering thoughts. “And I agree. Our lives aren’t real if we have to lie. But you know how it feels like we don’t have a choice.”

Even emptied his glass in a swift movement as if he had made some decision again. Isak knew he was clever, but his bold mind was out of control. He never asked for advice and his mind felt almost impossible to change. This was his impression of Even.

Susanna’s girl who had fetched the clothes at Isak’s parents house came over to their table.

“I have a message from you mother” she said addressed to Isak. He felt his heart rate rise.

“She says that she hopes that you and…” She looked at Even and Isak noticed that small patches on her neck turned pink. ”…that the both of you will come yourselves next time”. The girl looked at them with a slightly arrogant expression, nodded and left again. Isak could see that it must have been a subconscious imitation of the way his mother had looked when she said that to the girl.

Even leaned in very close to Isaks ear and whispered

“She definitely knows something, Isak. She is the truth witness to our love” He laughed.

Isas face turned red “Stop that! And she doesn’t”. Isak thought that if the girl knew about them she would have a different approach, she wouldn’t just carry on like that. Just like Eva, _if Eva knew she would not just carry on like she did?_

 “Let’s go see your parents”

“Now?”

“Yes! Don’t worry, you will do the talking” Even winked at him.

 “No we will not. Not tonight at least. I have rowed across the fjord twice today, and much else  - as you know. I am tired. If we go see my parents I think I will cry!”

“Okay take it easy, don’t get carried away love”

“Schchyy, honestly Even”

Even took his hand under the table behind the floor long, white table cloth.

Isaks room was on the second floor. It was much more modern and neutral compared to Evens. The view down the main street was nice but you could not see across the roof tops like you could from upstairs. And the bed was so much nicer too. Why did Even stay in that strange chamber upstairs? Maybe he really stayed here as a friend, like that room upstairs was meant for a certain kind of guests. Friends, or at least someone with a certain reason to be there. The boy came in with Isaks things. He was a few years younger than Isak and he thought he had seen him before in town.

“Is there anything you need?”

Isak was not used to this.

“Yes, actually. I need to take a bath” He really needed that.

“Okay” the boy left.

He could hear Even upstairs now. The room was just under it. They agreed that he would come up later when the other guests had gone to sleep. Now it almost sounded like he was moving stuff around up there. Isak threw himself on the back in the bed and stared at the ceiling. There he was, just on the other side. Behind the thick, white the plaster was perhaps some brick tiles, and above them the wooden floor in Evens room. And there he was just behind all that ceiling and floor was Even. The thought almost made Isak feel sucked towards the ceiling, heart first. He just stared upon it and listened for sounds from the stairs. He didn’t know what Even would do next. And it was the most divine thrill.

The boy knocked on the door again and opened it right after.

“Come along this way”

 

Isak got up and followed the boy to the bathroom where a large barrel of steamy water and soap waited for him. Isak wanted to undress quickly and get in, but the boy just stood there. Isak signaled to him to leave and he did, but once he settled in the water the boy came back in without knocking. He walked over to the tub and looked at Isak.

“What are you doing?”

“Do you know him?”

“Do I know whom?”

“Even, do you know who he is?”

Isak felt very uncomfortable.

“Why do you come in here now and ask me about him? Who are you, I’d rather ask.”

“I am from this town just like you. Even is not from here. Did he drug you?”

Isak could here noises from upstairs again.

“No! Please leave right now.” Isak pointed at the door.

He immediately wished that he had had the nerve ask the boy where this last question came from. But he was scared of the answer. Somehow he felt that it has something to do with him sleeping upstairs earlier when the boy came up. And he didn’t want to open that coversation. Also, the confrontation now scared him. He was shaking.

When the large pensjonat was finally asleep Isak walked up the narrow staircase to the loft. He could smell Evens tobacco in the open front room. He opened the door to see Even sit in the dim light of a low burning petrol lamp surrounded by smoke. He could also smell alcohol.

“Even, this house is a mad house”

Even smiled and stood up. He walked to the lamp and stopped as he looked at Isak.

“I know” he said with a dirty look as he turned off the light. He walked in the dark over and pulled in Isak in heated kissing. Isak felt dizzy and forgot everything else.


	6. This is were you live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I promise the next chapter will come up not long after this. And yes, I changed the chapter count because realize that there is a lot more to add to this story. Thank you for reading anyway, this is my first fic and any comments and kudos means a lot to me.

 

They were alone in the living room the next morning, when Mr. Kviig was greeted by Susanna at the door. Isak could hear her high voice from the entrance hall; witty and skillfully creating an atmosphere of social commotion and comfort. The priest spoke so low that he only heard Susanna’s replies.

“Welcome Mr. Kviig, have you come to hear my catechism? Ha ha.”

The wood in the old floors was creaking as they moved around in the hall, Susanna probably offering to remove Mr. Kviigs beige summer coat.

“Yes, they are in the living room - right this way. Can I get you something?”

Even was reading the newspaper in a low chair in back of the room. The seat was so close to the floor that his long legs bended high making his knees look ridiculously pointed. Isak was standing at the book shelve with his hands behind his back eyes, scrolling over the colored leather backs with Norwegian and foreign titles. They both looked up when the priest entered the room.

“Good morning….”

He lifted off his hat.

“Isak, are you here?”

 With one finger Isak pushed back the small orange book that he had just pulled from the shelf.

“Yes, Mr. Kviig. I am…”

He wanted out of polite conversation give Mr. Kviig a reason for his presence, but he had no idea what to call it.

“Good morning Priest. Isak is helping me. What can we do for you?” Even climbed out of the low arm chair and stood right in the middle of the room folding the newspaper neatly in front of him.

The priest smiled a bit nervous.

“I came to give you an open invitation to our home. We would love to see more of you” The priest said directed at Even but his eyes flickered between the two of them. Evens face was without expression.

“Both of you of course” he said pulling his empty hands a bit outwards as to capitulate. Evens face softened.

“We would love to. We can come by tomorrow.”  

“Yes… would that work for you, Isak? You don’t have work to do with your father?”

“No, it will be fine. Thank you.”

“Wonderful, maybe you can help me with the rest of the wood work in the garden then as well? If you just wear practical clothes” The priest leaned a bit back folding his hands behind his back.

“No. That won’t be necessary” Even said to both of them, lifting two fingers softly towards Isak at the book self.

“The boy can do that. We will bring Susannas boy Knut to help you.”

Isak wanted to protest but didn't.

“Very well. I will see you tomorrow then. He lifted his hat politely.

“Say hello to your wife, Mr. Kviig” Even voice was warm and deep.

“Yes, I will… I will” the priest said as he walked backwards out of the room, lifting his hat again.

“And to Eva” Isak, said in a cheerful tone.

The expression in his face altered a bit then went back to his fond and fatherly look.

“Yes, I will do that, Isak.”  

After a bit Susanna appeared in the door opening just exchanging looks with Even who tilted his head a bit and just waved his hand at her as to say just leave it.

Isak decided to give the orange book a chance _. Sult_. It was in Norwegian.

The white fisherman’s house near the harbor was the last in a long row of houses on a small path getting more and more narrow as you walked towards the green lands on the north side of the fjord. This was on the low side of the houses towards the water. It was the road Isak would always take home. On this side was a long garden with a water pump, a shed and three long ropes for laundry stretched through the air across the lawn. They were tied at the hooks on the shed and at the other end to the cherry tree at the far corner by the fence where they were tied up in loose knots. On the other side of the house was the main door leading to the cobbled street towards the town center. Isak lead Even down the narrow path at the water side avoiding low hanging branches and passing all the simple houses. Most of them were made of wood and they had with fishing equipment drying in the yards.

 It was quiet between them and as Even walked behind him he could not read his opinion of the scenery. He thought that he would probably never have set foot down this path if he hadn’t met Isak. But now he was here, not at the large estate at the hill next to the church, but instead going down a muddy path ducking his tall body under low branches just to meet Isak’s parents, with no good stories to naturalize the situation. He turned is head quickly around glancing at him and receiving a smile in return.

“Careful you don’t step in something, there are dogs running loose here”

“I will make sure, Isak” for some reason his voice sounded very emotional.

 

 When they reached the house Isak felt his heart rise. He stopped at the garden gate and looked at the house and the white linen drying in the still warm air. He suddenly felt very homesick. Then he felt Even next to him caressing him gently on the back.

“This is where you live”

“Yes” he looked up into Evens eyes.

Even pushed him softly between his shoulder blades with his fingertips, as to make him take a step forward. They walked up through the long garden as Isak’s mother came out the door. She stopped when she saw them and gathered her hands in front of her chest as if this was the most enjoyable sight. Both boys smiled shy at her as she came towards them.

“Welcome, both of you! What a nice surprise.”

She reached for Evens hands with both of hers.

“Good to see you, can I call you Even? It feels appropriate.”   

“Yes of course Mrs. Valtersen” his smile changed his whole face.

“Marianne. Please come inside.”

She squeezed Isak’s shoulder a little too hard.

The three people stepped inside. At the table in the kitchen Isak’s father sat on a chair but he got up as soon as he saw them walk in.

“This is a surprise. Mr. Kviig said that you didn’t have time today”

“He came here?”

“Yes, he came by.” Isak’s father gave him a look. Then he looked at Even.

“Welcome to our humble home, Mr. Næsheim” he reached forward a hand, that Even shook eagerly.

“Have a seat”

They had coffee and biscuits in the kitchen and Even wanted to know all about the fishing, how long they lived in the house and if they had a lot of family in the region. He himself told about the place he came from. His mother was very old and lived on a large manor far away that he and his sister grew up in.

After I little silence Isaks father lifted his empty cup and put it on his platter as to gather his thoughts.

“Mr. Næsheim..”

“Call me Even, please”

“Even, I know you have become good acquaintance with Mr. Kviig and his family.”

Even looked straight at him waiting for whatever this could be about.

“..and I also know from Mr. Bjørnson that the doctor has made you aware of the events that passed for the unfortunate young man last summer.”

Isak looked startled up but Even was completely calm.

“Forgive me, but I need to ask you to not bring up that subject to Mr. Kviig or anyone else in that house.”

Even moved a bit around in his chair.

“May I ask why?”

Isaks father took a deep breath and looked at his wife pleading.

“These events are just best forgotten, I hope his poor soul will find rest somewhere” Isaks mother offered.

Even looked puzzled and Isak felt uncomfortable.

“I will not bring it up, I have no reason to”

Marianne got up and started collecting plates.

“Isak, I think you want to have a look through your clothes to see if there is anything you want to bring to the Pensjonat, now that Even is so kind to have you staying there. You can bring Even upstairs and show him your room”

Isaks father looked confused at his wife and Isak felt his face getting read. Even looked amused and stood up very quick and carried his own and Isak’s plate to the kitchen.  

 

Isaks room was clean and bright but very plain. He didn’t have much furniture. There was a bed, a desk and a small chair at the window so one could sit there and look out at the treetops behind the house. When you looked around you could imagine a small child living here. The bed was short and the bedding stripped with no linen on. And the desk was small with a few color pencils and a red wooden boat on the tabletop. At the back of the room the chimney came through and made a small space in the corner where there were a few shelves for clothes. Even walked solemnly around in the room as to study every little detail carefully. On the wall was an oil painting of a green field with small hilltops and short fir trees scattered on the planes. Even studied it like it was of great significance. 

Isak just stood helpless in the door. He knew he was being studied. The short life he had lived here played like a film in Evens imagination. Even looked back at Isak with a small smile. Then he walked to the bed and laid down looking up at the white, cracked ceiling.

“So this is where you have been lying. Thinking about boys at night” The last thing he said very slow and clear.

Isak felt the blood flow to his head and his heart beat even faster, but Even kept his eyes on the ceiling. He stretched his right arm back to support his head and lead the other hand down his pants.

He then looked back towards Isak with an inquiring look. Isak now closed the door behind him and locked it with the small sliding lash. His parents had forbidden him to use it when he was younger because it could get stuck they said. Later he was told that his grandmother had locks installed on all the doors when she lived in the house, because there was a crazy man in the village who snug into houses when the men were out at sea.

 Evens eyes widened when he heard the lock click. And when Isak walked towards him his body squirmed a bit on the bed keeping the right hand in place.

“Yes. That’s what I did. I laid there like you do now with the window open in the summer night fantasizing about boys.”

Evens eyes was fixed on Isak and his mouth opened a bit at the words as his breathing got heavy.

“I would close my eyes and imagine the most innocent things. I couldn’t think of up all the stuff you do, Even”

This felt like a confession. But he felt some control as well. This was his room and the door was locked. He bend over the bed and opened Evens pants and replaced Evens hand with his own.

“But you know, some things I could imagine. I would fantasize for hours about this” he said and crawled on the bed to sit over Evens long stretched legs and took Evens dick in his mouth.

Even made a suppressed sound. The arm behind his head was now clinging on to the side of the bed. It didn’t take long for him to finish leaving Isak in a struggle not to make a mess.

“Isak!” Even laughed so it could definitely be heard downstairs. “I should have done that to you though. It was your sweet fantasy”

“Well, not exactly. My fantasy was actually doing this to someone else” he said with a bold smile and Even laughed so his whole face lit up. This all felt so wrong and so right at the same time.

They sat next to each other on the side of the bed holding hands quietly. Isak thought that Even almost looked like a child there on the bedside.

“Your father spoke to Mr. Bjørnson”

“Yer, they speak a lot. Mostly about boats.”

“Bjørnson also told me something about Niels”

“Maybe we should leave it Even, it is best forgotten”

“You think he is best forgotten?”

Even suddenly looked so serious and sincere

“No, well yes. The thing he did hurt a lot of people. His parents. And Eva.”

“But you know what you said. If this is concealed he will stop existing. The lies will make him disappear. And quickly his grave will just be like that dolmen in the grove. Anonymous. Prehistoric: removed from the protocol.”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Because since I came here it has been like his ghost is wandering around, making everyone crazy.”

“Even, you can’t say something like that.”

“Mr. Bjørnson told me that Niels was seeing the doctor regularly up until he died. But his parents didn’t know”

“Oh… Do you know why?”

“No, but the doctor told me too many details about this. And now, not long ago, I realized he was his patient.”

“Do you think the doctor knew he was going to kill himself?”

“Why do you say that?” Even looked surprised at Isak.

“I don’t know, maybe he said something leading up to it. Maybe he has a journal?”

“Yer, maybe…”

Isaks mother called from the stair case. They had stayed too long in his room already. Isak grabbed some random clothes from his closet and they hurried downstairs again.     


End file.
